we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You have to summon your inner elephant
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
