I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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