so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
