I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
