One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
