when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I hate all girls vehemently.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize