1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You can't motorboat a personality
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
