I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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