i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
