Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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