3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
