I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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