i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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