Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize