do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
