I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
