But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
