thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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