i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
