I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
