"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
