my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Do vagina's smell?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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