Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
