dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
