Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
