dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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