Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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