Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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