I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
