i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
