I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize