o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
