Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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