I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
