I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
