we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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