I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
