she woke up with a sticky ear
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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