Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize
