3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
