You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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