she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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