Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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