I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
