Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
