i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
