The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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