Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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