hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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