It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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