I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
