I just made out with a guy for $7.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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