I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
