I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
last night I used snow as a chaser
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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