So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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