im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize