I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
