She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
