maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
