So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
