I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
