PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
