i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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