I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
