Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
