you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
whose parrot is this?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
