One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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