I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
