but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
