And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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