There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
