i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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