Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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